The emotions of egg freezing: you can be ready—and still feel unsure
Updated: Aug 31
There is a particular pressure around egg freezing: once the appointment is booked and the decision appears to have been made, perhaps you should feel relieved.
But a date in the clinic diary does not necessarily settle the conversation happening inside you.
You may believe fertility preservation is the right decision and still resent having to make it. You may feel fortunate that the technology exists while grieving the circumstances that brought you to it. You may want to begin—and wish you had more time.
More than one of these things can be true.
INFORMATION DOES NOT ALWAYS CREATE CERTAINTY
Good information matters. You should understand the procedure, possible outcomes, costs, risks and alternatives.
But information cannot decide how a choice fits with your identity, relationships or imagined future.
A small qualitative study of patients considering non-urgent egg freezing found that individual values played a significant role in decision-making. Some participants understood egg freezing as a form of back-up, while clinicians were more cautious about that description because future success remains uncertain. Participants also expressed a desire for greater commonality and peer support.
The study does not tell us how everyone feels. It does show why the decision cannot be understood through medical information alone.
Psychosocial guidance from ESHRE recommends that fertility patients be given opportunities to discuss treatment concerns and receive support when deliberating whether to proceed. Although much of this evidence comes from infertility and assisted reproduction rather than elective fertility preservation specifically, the underlying point remains useful: receiving information and processing what that information means are not the same task.
WHY THE EMOTIONS OF EGG FREEZING CAN FEEL CONTRADICTORY
The emotions of egg freezing do not necessarily move in a straight line. We often treat ambivalence as a problem to eliminate.
But ambivalence may simply mean that the decision matters—and that something valuable appears on both sides.
Freezing your eggs may offer a future possibility. It may also make reproductive time feel more visible. It can create a sense of action while confronting you with everything that remains outside your control.
The question is not necessarily: “How do I stop feeling uncertain?”
It may be:
• What, specifically, am I uncertain about?
• What am I hoping this procedure will change emotionally as well as biologically?
• Whose timeline am I responding to—my own, my family’s, my partner’s or the culture around me?
• What might I feel if the cycle produces fewer eggs than expected?
• What might I feel if I freeze eggs and never use them?
BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER
Feelings may change throughout the process.
Before treatment, the uncertainty may centre on whether to proceed. During treatment, attention can shift towards medication, scans, numbers and the body’s response. Once the procedure is over, relief may arrive—but so can anticlimax, sadness or a new set of questions.
The medical process may have an identifiable end date. The emotional meaning may take longer to understand.
I have come to think that readiness is not the absence of fear. It is having enough information, support and emotional room to meet the experience without demanding that you feel only one way about it.
A QUESTION TO CARRY WITH YOU
If nobody expected you to feel positive, grateful or completely certain, what would you allow yourself to feel?
You do not need to manufacture confidence to make a thoughtful choice. A decision can be right for you without feeling emotionally tidy.
SOURCES AND FURTHER READING
Drost, L., Dason, E.S., Han, J. and colleagues. “Patients’ and providers’ perspectives on non-urgent egg freezing decision-making: a thematic analysis.” BMC Women’s Health, 2023.
Sandhu, S. and colleagues. “The development and phase 1 evaluation of a Decision Aid for elective egg freezing.” BMC Medical Informatics and Decision Making, 2023.
European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology. “Routine psychosocial care in infertility and medically assisted reproduction.”
National Institute for Health and Care Excellence. “Fertility problems: assessment and treatment—principles of care.”
Evidence checked: August 2026.
Venus of Now provides general education and reflection. This article is not personalised medical or psychological advice and does not replace consultation with an appropriately qualified professional.
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